Take the
Wrestling T-shirt Challenge
March
31, 2009 by wrestlervic@aol.com
Today marks
the 1,825th straight day that I
have worn a wrestling t-shirt in public. Not the
same one of course, but there has never been a
day for the past five years that I have not gone
without openly expressing my love for wrestling
on my chest. It has never caused me a problem,
I've never been given an odd look, and I've never
been made fun of. In fact, just the opposite.
I've been given free drinks at bars (no, not gay
bars), I got a free tire repair job, and have
even been asked to wrestle. I openly talk about
wrestling to anyone who wants to talk about it,
and you can read about some of my many
experiences below.
I am writing this because after running WrestleMen for almost
fourteen years, and producing the STRONGHOLD documentary
for the past five years, I see a major problem
among many adult men who like wrestling. In 2006,
I did a poll on my site, and over 40% of those
that took part said that they would be afraid to
wear a wrestling t-shirt in public. This is an
astronomical figure, and it undermines the desire
to make wrestling a more prominent and accepted
interest in our society.
The problem lies within early childhood shame
or fear of getting an erection while wrestling,
or the fear that talking to people about
wrestling would somehow reveal your sexuality, or
your sexual attraction to it.
You might be surprised to hear this, but a
psychologist that I interviewed says that that
fear is actually clinically referred to as
"internalized" homophobia. Many
gay-identified men in the underground wrestling
community have this, and it leads to anger,
insecurity, and often radically bad behavior. If
you have a headless photo because you are afraid
that revealing your desire to wrestle other men
would cost you your job, or people may think you
are gay, that is internalized homophobia. Fear of
being thought of as gay by others IS the basis of
homophobia, no matter how out and proud you think
you are.
So, that's the problem. Now the solution.
First, you have to get out of your head that
talking about wrestling or wearing a wrestling
t-shirt says anything about your sexuality.
Remember, it IS a sport. It's in the Olympics.
It's on TV. People watch it, people follow it,
and there are TONS of former high school and
college wrestlers walking the streets out there.
They miss it greatly. Like you and me, they are
dying to talk about it, and do it if given a
chance.
Second, wearing a wrestling t-shirt
"masculates" you in the eyes of other
men. It insinuates a sense of internal toughness.
Men like masculine, men like tough. It is how we
are taught to be, right?
Thirdly, and probably most importantly. If you
think that only gay-identified men recognize the
homoeroticism of wrestling, you are highly
incorrect. This gets into men's recognition of
masculinity, and how it relates to the libido,
etc. It is covered extensively within the
STRONGHOLD film. Go to any high school or college
wrestling match and watch how guys play around
between matches. This is not to say that many men
would deny it if asked, but trust me, it is
there.
"The Challenge"
Here's the challenge. Buy any wrestling
t-shirt. If you feel it would be safer to start
off with, buy a University wrestling t-shirt. I
have one that says "MICHIGAN STATE
WRESTLING" in big letters on the front.
Next, wear it into a home improvement store.
Walk around and shop, and just be yourself.
Again, you are not saying anything about your
sexuality. You will recognize hot guys looking at
your shirt now and then. As a matter of fact,
seeing the word "wrestling" probably
sends a dopamine surge right into their head, as
it should. You will probably notice more men
nodding at you, and asking to help you.
I remember one day walking into a Home Depot
with a t-shirt that said "Real Men Still
Wrestle" and having three guys talk to me
about it. The first guy was a hot thick-muscled
goateed stud working in the ceiling fan
department. He wrestled in school. All I did was
walk up to him and ask about a price on a ceiling
fan. He immediately said "Wrestling"
and we talked about it for twenty minutes. Ten
minutes later, another hot guy walked by me and
read my shirt out loud, "Real Men Still
Wrestle." We exchanged nods, and I said
"That's right." As I left the store, a
man probably in his sixties standing at the exit
door said "Nice shirt." I can't stress
this enough, it is ON THEIR MINDS TOO. I just
opened the door for them to talk about it by
having the t-shirt on.
Here's a typical conversation I've had that
may help you figure out how to respond to
questions:
Guy: "Wrestling."
Me: "Yeah, you wrestle?"
Guy: "I did it in school."
Me: "Awesome. I do it now."
Guy: "Where do you do it?"
Me: "I have mats, and go to events where
other guys like to wrestle."
Guy: "What kind of wrestling?"
Me: "I like submission wrestling. I like
to make a guy say 'I give.' I was never much
interested in that pinning shit. (This got him
even more interested)
Here are some other questions you may be
asked, and my typical responses:
Q: "Do you coach wrestling?"
A: "No, I wrestle now as an adult. I have
mats and meet other guys into it."
Q: "Did you wrestle in school?"
A: "No, I played tennis. I always thought
you had to be a short thick-necked Italian to be
on the wrestling team. I do it now though."
The idea behind the responses is to get it out
easily that you wrestle as an adult. If they
bring it up, they are interested. The idea is to
make THEM feel comfortable about talking about
it. You've opened the door, now let them walk
through and join you.
It is a HUGE dopamine rush to talk to other
guys about wrestling, whether it is pro wrestling
in the good ole days, or UFC. This is why I talk
with guys about it and continue to do it on a
daily basis. Here are some of my many interesting
encounters:
"Macho George"
One night I was sitting at one of the bars
that I regularly talked to guys about wrestling
with, and even got a few guys to wrestle each
other behind the bar for the film. The bartender
knew I talked about it so much, he labeled my bar
tabs with things like "WANNA WRESTLE"
or "WRESTLE MAN".
I thought I'd give it a break that night, but
the bartender came over and said the magic word.
Within seconds, the hot, hot guy next to me took
notice, and I told him about the film and that I
wrestle. Picture one of those hot bully-type guys
with the inset eyes, a shit-eating smile, and a
"I wanna devour you whole" kinda guys.
My favorite type.
He had just purchased an $8,000 engagement
ring for his fiance who was going to pick him up
from the bar later that evening. Well, we began
talking about it, everything from pro to UFC. He
talked about beating up guys when he was younger,
and stuff like that. Soon, the whole half of the
bar was talking about it.
As the beers slipped down, I mentioned that I
was dying to wrestle. And the chemistry of the
whole masculine wrestling thing was just
engulfing us. He kept buying me beers cause he
did not want me to leave. About three hours later
his fiance came to pick him up, and he told her
he wanted to talk to me more about wrestling, and
I would get him back home. He actually dumped his
fiance to talk to me.
Well, we finally got in the car and drove
about a mile to his house. I was OK to drive
(probably not) and horny as hell. And kept saying
I was dying to do it. He was too. When we got in
front of his apartment, he told me we had to do
it. He asked, "I'm going to run inside and
get a pair of boxers. That's OK if I wrestle in
those?" I was hesitating because we were
both drunk, and he must have been like 220 lbs of
pure muscle. But we did it.
He came back out of the house, apparently
after having a little tiff with his fiance, and
we pulled over to a lighted grassy area on the
apartment grounds. And there, for a few minutes,
we wrestled in the moonlight at 2:00 am. At one
point I had my legs wrapped around his stomach
and was squeezing with all my might, and he just
looked up into the sky like he was enjoying it.
He didn't even try much to break free. He
actually said I almost had him, and I should not
have stopped. We'll, to make a long story short,
I made us stop so that we would not injure
ourselves, and then he sat in my car for another
twenty minutes talking about it. He did not want
to leave.
"The Tire Repair Guy"
One day I was shopping around for a set of
tires because I had a flat in one and some shops
demand that you replace all four tires at once on
4WD vehicles due to some alignment liabilities.
Anyway, I didn't have the money to buy four new
tires, so I shopped around and found a small auto
center to patch the flat.
While I was waiting in the lobby, I met a guy
who worked on films, and I mentioned I was
working on a wrestling documentary. After he
left, the shop attendant and owner, who had
overheard us, struck up a conversation about pro
wrestling. We talked about all of the old
promotions, the Von Erichs, Arn Anderson, all of
the great old guys. Our conversation must have
gone on for forty minutes. When the repair was
done, I opened my wallet to pay him. He said,
"Don't worry about it. It's free. You made
me happy talking about wrestling."
Do you see what I mean now about guys wanting
to talk about it? Another story:
At another bar, a hot, tattooed Charles
Manson-looking stud, without the disheveled hair
and with only a hot-looking evil, started talking
to me about it. I brought it up simply by asking
what he thought about wrestling, and that I was
making a film on it. His girlfriend was sitting
in between us. About ten minutes later I told him
that I realized that he was on a date, and that I
was sorry for interrupting and getting carried
away talking about it. His response, "No,
that's OK. I don't get to talk about this
enough." We continued to talk about
wrestling for another hour, even talking about
how great it is to watch a guy going under in a
sleeper.
In that same bar, a guy was so into talking
about it, we went around to other bars to find a
guy that he could wrestle. He pointed to this big
hunky guy with a fitted shirt at one bar like
"he is the one," and it turned out that
the guy just competed in a local
jiu-jitsu tournament. And again, this was not a
gay bar. I live in rural Virginia; there are no
gay bars here.
On the airplane traveling, and at hotel
restaurants, I've talked to hundreds of men about
wrestling for the past five years. At least three
times a week I have conversations about wrestling
with strangers, and they usually bring it up
after seeing my t-shirt. Even shirts like the
Okie Rumble shirt with two cowboys basically
humping each other on it gets me conversations.
One guy saw it, immediately said
"Wrestling!" and off we went talking
about it.
I'm not saying that there is no homophobia out
there, on the contrary. I cover that extensively
in the documentary. And I am aware of people in
the news who resigned (keyword
"resigned" on their own accord, not
fired) from their jobs because they had wrestling
pictures on the web. But it was NOT the wrestling
part that got them in trouble, it was having sex
in the pictures. Who knows, maybe someday people
won't have a problem with that either.
More people need to stand up for what they
like and not care what others think. Your
feelings, your perspective, is just as important
as the guy standing next to you. And obviously
you are not alone. Be proud you like wrestling.
Go out and wear a wrestling t-shirt. You will be
hooked after your first conversation.
Email your experiences, or post them
on the WrestleMen bulletin
board. You may help somebody else too.
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