Take the Wrestling T-shirt Challenge
March 31, 2009 by wrestlervic@aol.com

Today marks the 1,825th straight day that I have worn a wrestling t-shirt in public. Not the same one of course, but there has never been a day for the past five years that I have not gone without openly expressing my love for wrestling on my chest. It has never caused me a problem, I've never been given an odd look, and I've never been made fun of. In fact, just the opposite. I've been given free drinks at bars (no, not gay bars), I got a free tire repair job, and have even been asked to wrestle. I openly talk about wrestling to anyone who wants to talk about it, and you can read about some of my many experiences below.

I am writing this because after running WrestleMen for almost fourteen years, and producing the STRONGHOLD documentary for the past five years, I see a major problem among many adult men who like wrestling. In 2006, I did a poll on my site, and over 40% of those that took part said that they would be afraid to wear a wrestling t-shirt in public. This is an astronomical figure, and it undermines the desire to make wrestling a more prominent and accepted interest in our society.

The problem lies within early childhood shame or fear of getting an erection while wrestling, or the fear that talking to people about wrestling would somehow reveal your sexuality, or your sexual attraction to it.

You might be surprised to hear this, but a psychologist that I interviewed says that that fear is actually clinically referred to as "internalized" homophobia. Many gay-identified men in the underground wrestling community have this, and it leads to anger, insecurity, and often radically bad behavior. If you have a headless photo because you are afraid that revealing your desire to wrestle other men would cost you your job, or people may think you are gay, that is internalized homophobia. Fear of being thought of as gay by others IS the basis of homophobia, no matter how out and proud you think you are.

So, that's the problem. Now the solution.

First, you have to get out of your head that talking about wrestling or wearing a wrestling t-shirt says anything about your sexuality. Remember, it IS a sport. It's in the Olympics. It's on TV. People watch it, people follow it, and there are TONS of former high school and college wrestlers walking the streets out there. They miss it greatly. Like you and me, they are dying to talk about it, and do it if given a chance.

Second, wearing a wrestling t-shirt "masculates" you in the eyes of other men. It insinuates a sense of internal toughness. Men like masculine, men like tough. It is how we are taught to be, right?

Thirdly, and probably most importantly. If you think that only gay-identified men recognize the homoeroticism of wrestling, you are highly incorrect. This gets into men's recognition of masculinity, and how it relates to the libido, etc. It is covered extensively within the STRONGHOLD film. Go to any high school or college wrestling match and watch how guys play around between matches. This is not to say that many men would deny it if asked, but trust me, it is there.

"The Challenge"

Here's the challenge. Buy any wrestling t-shirt. If you feel it would be safer to start off with, buy a University wrestling t-shirt. I have one that says "MICHIGAN STATE WRESTLING" in big letters on the front.

Next, wear it into a home improvement store. Walk around and shop, and just be yourself. Again, you are not saying anything about your sexuality. You will recognize hot guys looking at your shirt now and then. As a matter of fact, seeing the word "wrestling" probably sends a dopamine surge right into their head, as it should. You will probably notice more men nodding at you, and asking to help you.

I remember one day walking into a Home Depot with a t-shirt that said "Real Men Still Wrestle" and having three guys talk to me about it. The first guy was a hot thick-muscled goateed stud working in the ceiling fan department. He wrestled in school. All I did was walk up to him and ask about a price on a ceiling fan. He immediately said "Wrestling" and we talked about it for twenty minutes. Ten minutes later, another hot guy walked by me and read my shirt out loud, "Real Men Still Wrestle." We exchanged nods, and I said "That's right." As I left the store, a man probably in his sixties standing at the exit door said "Nice shirt." I can't stress this enough, it is ON THEIR MINDS TOO. I just opened the door for them to talk about it by having the t-shirt on.

Here's a typical conversation I've had that may help you figure out how to respond to questions:

Guy: "Wrestling."

Me: "Yeah, you wrestle?"

Guy: "I did it in school."

Me: "Awesome. I do it now."

Guy: "Where do you do it?"

Me: "I have mats, and go to events where other guys like to wrestle."

Guy: "What kind of wrestling?"

Me: "I like submission wrestling. I like to make a guy say 'I give.' I was never much interested in that pinning shit. (This got him even more interested)

Here are some other questions you may be asked, and my typical responses:

Q: "Do you coach wrestling?"

A: "No, I wrestle now as an adult. I have mats and meet other guys into it."

Q: "Did you wrestle in school?"

A: "No, I played tennis. I always thought you had to be a short thick-necked Italian to be on the wrestling team. I do it now though."

The idea behind the responses is to get it out easily that you wrestle as an adult. If they bring it up, they are interested. The idea is to make THEM feel comfortable about talking about it. You've opened the door, now let them walk through and join you.

It is a HUGE dopamine rush to talk to other guys about wrestling, whether it is pro wrestling in the good ole days, or UFC. This is why I talk with guys about it and continue to do it on a daily basis. Here are some of my many interesting encounters:

"Macho George"

One night I was sitting at one of the bars that I regularly talked to guys about wrestling with, and even got a few guys to wrestle each other behind the bar for the film. The bartender knew I talked about it so much, he labeled my bar tabs with things like "WANNA WRESTLE" or "WRESTLE MAN".

I thought I'd give it a break that night, but the bartender came over and said the magic word. Within seconds, the hot, hot guy next to me took notice, and I told him about the film and that I wrestle. Picture one of those hot bully-type guys with the inset eyes, a shit-eating smile, and a "I wanna devour you whole" kinda guys. My favorite type.

He had just purchased an $8,000 engagement ring for his fiance who was going to pick him up from the bar later that evening. Well, we began talking about it, everything from pro to UFC. He talked about beating up guys when he was younger, and stuff like that. Soon, the whole half of the bar was talking about it.

As the beers slipped down, I mentioned that I was dying to wrestle. And the chemistry of the whole masculine wrestling thing was just engulfing us. He kept buying me beers cause he did not want me to leave. About three hours later his fiance came to pick him up, and he told her he wanted to talk to me more about wrestling, and I would get him back home. He actually dumped his fiance to talk to me.

Well, we finally got in the car and drove about a mile to his house. I was OK to drive (probably not) and horny as hell. And kept saying I was dying to do it. He was too. When we got in front of his apartment, he told me we had to do it. He asked, "I'm going to run inside and get a pair of boxers. That's OK if I wrestle in those?" I was hesitating because we were both drunk, and he must have been like 220 lbs of pure muscle. But we did it.

He came back out of the house, apparently after having a little tiff with his fiance, and we pulled over to a lighted grassy area on the apartment grounds. And there, for a few minutes, we wrestled in the moonlight at 2:00 am. At one point I had my legs wrapped around his stomach and was squeezing with all my might, and he just looked up into the sky like he was enjoying it. He didn't even try much to break free. He actually said I almost had him, and I should not have stopped. We'll, to make a long story short, I made us stop so that we would not injure ourselves, and then he sat in my car for another twenty minutes talking about it. He did not want to leave.

"The Tire Repair Guy"

One day I was shopping around for a set of tires because I had a flat in one and some shops demand that you replace all four tires at once on 4WD vehicles due to some alignment liabilities. Anyway, I didn't have the money to buy four new tires, so I shopped around and found a small auto center to patch the flat.

While I was waiting in the lobby, I met a guy who worked on films, and I mentioned I was working on a wrestling documentary. After he left, the shop attendant and owner, who had overheard us, struck up a conversation about pro wrestling. We talked about all of the old promotions, the Von Erichs, Arn Anderson, all of the great old guys. Our conversation must have gone on for forty minutes. When the repair was done, I opened my wallet to pay him. He said, "Don't worry about it. It's free. You made me happy talking about wrestling."

Do you see what I mean now about guys wanting to talk about it? Another story:

At another bar, a hot, tattooed Charles Manson-looking stud, without the disheveled hair and with only a hot-looking evil, started talking to me about it. I brought it up simply by asking what he thought about wrestling, and that I was making a film on it. His girlfriend was sitting in between us. About ten minutes later I told him that I realized that he was on a date, and that I was sorry for interrupting and getting carried away talking about it. His response, "No, that's OK. I don't get to talk about this enough." We continued to talk about wrestling for another hour, even talking about how great it is to watch a guy going under in a sleeper.

In that same bar, a guy was so into talking about it, we went around to other bars to find a guy that he could wrestle. He pointed to this big hunky guy with a fitted shirt at one bar like "he is the one," and it turned out that the guy just competed in a local jiu-jitsu tournament. And again, this was not a gay bar. I live in rural Virginia; there are no gay bars here.

On the airplane traveling, and at hotel restaurants, I've talked to hundreds of men about wrestling for the past five years. At least three times a week I have conversations about wrestling with strangers, and they usually bring it up after seeing my t-shirt. Even shirts like the Okie Rumble shirt with two cowboys basically humping each other on it gets me conversations. One guy saw it, immediately said "Wrestling!" and off we went talking about it.

I'm not saying that there is no homophobia out there, on the contrary. I cover that extensively in the documentary. And I am aware of people in the news who resigned (keyword "resigned" on their own accord, not fired) from their jobs because they had wrestling pictures on the web. But it was NOT the wrestling part that got them in trouble, it was having sex in the pictures. Who knows, maybe someday people won't have a problem with that either.

More people need to stand up for what they like and not care what others think. Your feelings, your perspective, is just as important as the guy standing next to you. And obviously you are not alone. Be proud you like wrestling. Go out and wear a wrestling t-shirt. You will be hooked after your first conversation.

Email your experiences, or post them on the WrestleMen bulletin board. You may help somebody else too.

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