I'm
Here, I Wrestle
Getting wrestling out of the closet
by
WrestlerVic@aol.com
 After running the WrestleMen site for nine years now, I am all too
familiar with seeing headless torsos and the word
"discreet" in profiles. Producing the STRONGHOLD wrestling documentary has given me even
greater insight into the reasons some men fear that
others will not understand their love of wrestling.
Whether it's from it being their first sexual turn-on as
a child, or the stigma that some parents put on the sport
being "fake" and only for the lowest of low
people to enjoy, many men fear that their co-workers,
family, and friends will think oddly of them if they
reveal this deep dark secret. Some gay men have said it
would be like a second "coming out" to reveal
to others that they enjoy wrestling. Straight men are
fearful that revealing they like to roll around with
other guys must mean they are gay. But how justified are
these fears?
A lot of this fear
stems from the labels we are told to put on ourselves.
It's like someone walks up to you one day and says
"It's time to pick. Are you gay, straight, bi, or
transgendered? C'mon now, pick one!" It's just not
that easy. Sexuality is ever-flowing and ever-changing,
and there are no clear cut categories for people to fit
in. Because wrestling "straddles" the line of
gay and straight in many people's minds, that is where
much of the fear arises. After all, two men really can't
get much closer physically to each other than when they
wrestle.
Here are some
things you can do to get over these fears:
1.
I wrestle (and that's all you need to know for now)
The biggest problem
with revealing a desire to wrestle is that some men think
they are also revealing their sexual desires at the same
time. But that need not be the case, and that is the most
important hurdle to get over. You have to get in the
mindset that when you talk to a stranger about wrestling
you are NOT revealing how you may feel sexually about it.
I used to tell people jokingly, if you enjoy playing golf
but you secretly like to shove the golf club up your ass,
well, that is something you keep to yourself for the time
being. Talk about wrestling to strangers like you would
talk about camping or the weather. You'll be surprised at
what great conversations you'll get going when you remove
that mindset of "what will they think."
Remember, it's a sport.
2.
Wear Wrestling T-shirts
I can't think of a better first step than to find
yourself some good wrestling t-shirts and wear them
wherever you go. It is like a silent calling card to
other guys that you enjoy the sport, and you will
definitely be able to pick out those guys that like it by
the eye contact they make with you when they see your
shirt. You won't get laughs, you won't get thought of as
gay or strange. What you will get is a lot of guys in
Home Depot thinking about how much they like it too!
3.
How to Respond
Ok, so you've got a
wrestling T-shirt on, and some guy walks up to you and
starts talking about wrestling, or says "I like your
shirt." BINGO, he has an interest. But most likely
people may ask "Do you coach wrestling?" or
"Did you wrestle in school?" That's because
wrestling is still thought of by some people as a sport
you partake in when in school, and not as an adult. You
just have to change their way of thinking. My response is
always "No, but I like to wrestle now." If they
ask you "Where do you wrestle?," I say I have
mats or I go to wrestling events around the country for
other men that like to wrestle. Then you can easily put
the ball in their court and say "Do you
wrestle?" They may only mention doing it in school,
but at least you'll give them something to think about.
(Hmmm, I suppose I could still wrestle now).
Now, what about the
question "What kind of wrestling?" I tell them
submission wrestling, and then describe the different
types of wrestling, sorta educate them. If they want to
talk about pro wrestling on TV, run with it. It brings
them into their comfort zone, even if that's not your
interest.
I was once stopped
by an airport security guard who after waving me through
the metal detector, and after seeing my Okie Rumble
wrestling shirt, said "Wrestling is really an
underappreciated sport." You see, men are dying
to talk about it. Trust me, if they bring it up, they
are interested.
4.
Slip it into the Conversation
I've done some crazy things to put wrestling into a
conversation, and have always been surprised at the
results. As part of filming the STRONGHOLD documentary, I
randomly asked thirty-two strangers on the streets about
wrestling. I once stopped a telemarketer halfway through
his spiel and asked "What do you think about
wrestling?" We had the greatest conversation and the
next day I got a call from a co-worker of his who wanted
to wrestle. Try it next time when a telemarketer calls.
What do you have to lose?
At a restaurant, if
your waiter looks like he has a wrestling build, just ask
"Did you wrestle in school. You have a good build
for it." This may take a couple of glasses of wine
or beer to get the courage to do it, but it has never
failed to get a conversation going about it. And remember
they have to be nice to you and respond, you're the
customer and the customer is always right.
Go to a video store
and ask a worker you'd like to wrestle if he could show
you where the wrestling DVDs are. Even if nothing becomes
of it, the goal is to lose the fear of bringing up the
topic of wrestling in a conversation. I told a guy at a
computer store once that I needed a bigger hard drive to
store video for a wrestling documentary I was making.
Instantly he told me about how his eight brothers would
wrestle all the time and one of them now coaches
wrestling. He followed me around the store and asked
"If you need anymore help, just come find me."
Ahh, we bonded.
In
Conclusion
Years ago I decided
not to conceal that I liked the sport. My family knows,
my friends know, my mom and I even talk about the film
I'm working on. I have never had a problem with anyone
knowing---ever. It's all how you approach it within
yourself and to others.
What it all comes
down to is that wrestling provides a basic need for men
to have physical contact with each other. It's natural,
and from what I've learned, most guys everywhere think
about it or have thought about it at some time in their
lives. What will be surprising to you is that once you
understand this and have tried some of the things above,
you will not feel the need to be as discreet anymore. And
hopefully, no more headless pictures.
Related
material:
Wrestling Etiquette: How to Find
the Perfect Match
Wrestling in Moderation: Keeping the
fetish from becoming an addiction
Wrestling Cartoon "Shrink
Wrap"
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